Pretty Hurts

 Hey guys. As of this moment, I'm a size 12! You have no idea how immensely proud I am of myself. That said, sometimes I find myself having to be reminded of what I've accomplished. I'm 20 years old, but even at my age, jabs at my weight still strike a nerve. I could list a good number of reasons that strengthened my conviction to shed some pounds. One of them, and a strong one, is visitors or relatives always feeling the need to question when I decline some manner of food, or serve small portions, and someone offhandedly states that I must be trying to lose weight and/or am on a diet. To which I give a small smile, bow my head and promptly block out the conversation.

    Now, this doesn't seem like that big a deal, and there's probably no malice behind their saying so, but it tends to get under your skin after the umpteenth time you hear it. Since my weight loss journey, comments of this nature were blissfully absent and were replaced with observations of how baggy my clothes are, to my absolute delight. So imagine my utter deflation when at a seminar of sorts yesterday, it came up twice. Twice. First because I don't take sugar with my coffee. Then when I didn't take afternoon tea. I mean, how about, I'm just not a fan of tea! Honestly if someone were relating this to me, I'd have thought it was a joke. File it under #BigGirlProblems.

    My mood pretty much took a nosedive from there. I was angry at myself that I let their comments bug me as much as they did, and that because of it I began downplaying the progress I've made. I hit an all-time low when I actually zipped up my jacket. Lord knows I was beyond relieved when the day was over. My general mood was in the dumper. That is, up until this morning when I came across a Facebook post from 'Humans of New York' that had the photo of a plus size woman striking a pose in her underwear sporting a huge smile, the caption a tribute to different people who in some point in her life took a jab at her weight. She went on to say how OK she was with her stretch marks, which she's had since puberty. Of course, the comments that followed ranged from "You're beautiful!" to "You're a pig" (I kid you not).

    After reading this, I just smiled and decided to get over myself. It was one of those moments when you feel like you were meant to read something, and it genuinely speaks to you. I don't quite know how to best put what it felt like in words, only that I realized it was high time I reevaluated my self-perception and fell back in love with myself. This is why Beyonce's Pretty Hurts resonates so strongly with me. And with that, I leave you with these emphatic lyrics.

Pretty hurts

Shine the light on whatever's worse

Perfection is the disease of a nation

Pretty hurts

Shine the light on whatever's worst

Tryna fix something but you can't fix what you can't see

It's the soul that needs the surgery

Are you happy with yourself? 

Lovely week y'all :)

The Big Chop

    My head feels so much lighter now! No stress; I can dance in the rain, and have hurricane winds blow over my head without a care in the world. I'm not saying this stuff's on my bucket list, but I like having options :)

    Don't be fooled; a few months ago if you'd have proposed such a, then, 'preposterous' idea, I'd have most likely given you a healthy smack upside the head. It was honestly one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. Only a woman would understand my hesitation. So, after weeks of changing my mind, then changing it back, I finally hauled my behind to the salon and sat stock-still as I watched my hair being shaved off.

    I couldn't tell you how momentous that 'occasion' was to me. I am the epitome of routine. Typically I'm not one to take risks whose outcome I can't predict, or control for that matter, especially when it comes to my hair. Yet there I was, sitting in a salon I'd never been in, trusting a guy I'd just met not to make me look like a crazy person, because honestly, at that point I was just praying the lights wouldn't go off or he wouldn't sneeze and make me bald or something.

    After getting my hair cut, I decided to kick it up another notch and get it dyed red. Don't get too excited, it's very subtle, but hey. Baby steps. I think I'll go a bit wilder next time. Look at me being all daring! All in all I'm really glad I'm back to natural. It's like being handed a blank canvas. Ah, the possibilities...

Loser Alert

    You should've seen me on Thursday coming out of the doctor's office, smiling like a goon. Why, you ask? I've lost 4kg bitches! (Sorry, I've recently learned the merits of cursing when excited). Heed my words, I may bitch and whine about the annoying laps I run, and the agonising mountain climbers & pushups (in my head, of course) but they're all worth it! I'm practically giddy with ill-concealed glee :) I'm not likely to prance around in a bikini anytime soon, or in this lifetime for that matter. Frankly, I can live with that. Comfortably. Hey, I was destined for curves *wiggles eyebrows,naughty wink*.
    Now I have 4 weeks of boot camp left. Can't say I'm all teared up about leaving soon. I'm almost on my goal weight so I'm positive I'll walk away from it with no regrets, and in all honesty I'm really proud of myself for having taken this step; it's been one of the best decisions I've made all year.
    Thanks for reading :-*

UR Insane

    I'm having one of those days when I'm not very sure of how I'm feeling or what I want to do with myself, but I want it to be something fun. I guess this is one of those times when the phrase ' je ne sais quoi ' applies. But to be perfectly honest, I've been in a state of perpetual excitement for a while, especially now that school is drawing near. I literally find myself spontaniously bursting into random dance. Of course if you lived at my house, you'd probably be like, ' What else is new'. But really, I almost did pirouettes yesterday! ( HAHAHA. Yeah right. I did have a little bit of a 'Chandelier' moment though).
  It's so typically me. Whenever I'm psyched up for something that's still a while away I start planning for it earlier than is probably necessary. Honestly if left to my own devices I'd most likely do my clothes shopping (which I had originally scheduled for, silly me, the end of July), get me some big-ass suitcases and pack. Today. I kid you not. Heck, I'm already formulating in my head what I'll wear for travel! ( I'm looking forward to this trip, in case you didn't catch that).
    In a way, though, it'll be a bit of a reprieve from all the planning once the time finally comes, cuz newsflash honey, nothing about this has been cheap. Yikes! From enrolment deposits, visa fees, medical tests, air tickets, not to mention the amount of shopping involved... Let's just say the one who'll be the most relieved to have this whole process done with will be dear ol' dad.
    I'm still waiting for the absolute terror to rear it's ugly head. It'll come eventually, I'm well aware, but till then I shall ride this euphoric high for all I'm worth!