My year so far has been interesting. You hear about how you're supposed to grow as a person, and sometimes you think it'll happen all at once in one grand revelation and life stops sucking from then on out, and other times it's not really something you think about until you reflect on the change in you. One thing I've definitely learnt a great deal of (prepare for the cliche) is putting things in perspective. Sometimes I tend to open myself too much to pain and chalk it up to being naturally sensitive (I'm an INFJ and a Piscean. Never stood a chance. Ironically, I can't swim). My moment of grand revelation came by way of some disappointing news of having something I'd wished and prayed for so much fall through. It wasn't pretty. In my moment of grief I uttered the words, "Lord, why me?" and it was like He answered by tipping an ice bucket over my head. In an instant a wave of shame swept over me, and...you know that episode in Friends right after Ross and Emily's wedding where Rachel confesses to Ross that she's still in love with him, then starts laughing, explaining that it was as if she floated out of her body, and looked down at herself? That's the only way I can describe that moment, when floating me could not believe what sniffles me was saying. I berated myself, and how quick I was to let this one instance outweigh all the amazing and wonderful things the Lord has done in my life. Then I pictured someone walking into my room at that moment, and I pictured the conversation we'd have as to why I was that upset, and I realized I was being silly, and I needed to calm my ass down. I've had a serener existence since. ('Serener' is a word, apparently).
Hm, what else...I'm also learning to fight the impulse to respond to comments on Facebook. Pushing down sarcasm is hard, let me tell you. But then you just have to remember the Internet is filled with the most dangerous species known to man: bored people. Why anyone would say stupid things just to get a rise out of people is beyond me, but alas, there they are. Just today I took a Buzzfeed quiz about something like choosing from an array of pictures, which person is the vegan. I scrolled down to the comment section, looking to get a laugh from humorous comments. Well, laugh I did, at the staggering number of people who actually took offence to the post! (Ding ding ding! Found the vegans). I have a meme saved on my PC that reads:
'Good morning, America! What are we offended by today?'No truer words have been spoken. Honestly, it's a gift. AFV trolls are my favorite. Like, no Linda, I will not feel bad for laughing at the baby who face-planted into a chocolate cake, or the toddler who got jumped by a cat! Pretty sure the cat and the tot were unharmed in the making of the video, and no, they're not terrible parents for filming it, they possess what I like to call a sense of humor.
I took out my braids at the end of the semester, and went all out! I'm talking pre-pooing, overnight mind you, deep conditioning my hair for a good hour, and detangling my hair using just my fingers. I even went out and bought a spray bottle and ingredients for a moisturizing spritz. I salute women like Tabitha, a.k.a Craving Yellow, who do this religiously. A week into the whole thing, and I was determined to braid my own hair, just to save myself from the torment. I can't with this regimen. I tried, I really did. Frankly I'm doing the world a favor by braiding, because if anyone would've dared touch my mane after all that TLC, so help me God...Maybe I'll be more willing to let my hair down, literally, when it's longer. 4C hair may defy gravity, but it seems the winds of upstate New York will not be ignored.
That's as much growing as this girl has done so far. You know that voice you sometimes argue with in your head? Mine's speaking in Swahili more and more. I also found myself watching YouTube videos of Safaricom's Niko Na ad. Someone misses Kenya.
