10 Obnoxious People

Two in one month! Personal best. Anyway, I'm bored and unmotivated. Let's go.

• The Loud/Open-mouth Chewer. How they don't irritate themselves is beyond me. Imagine someone having a handful of soaking wet paper towels. Now imagine them repeatedly squishing said paper towels in their hand. Combine that with the sound of someone smacking their wet hands together. Let that linger in your mind.
• The Dragon Breather. I have a couple of friends who do this. My experiences may be limited, but I have coined this as an American thing. In my first 20 years of life I was under the impression that breathing was a silent endeavor. Apparently not...
• The Public Spitter. Were you raised in a barn!? Listen, lots of people spit, for reasons I am more than happy never to find out. I'm pretty sure that whatever the cause, it can wait til you get to a toilet.
• The Flaker. I'll be the first to admit I have, on occasion, backed out of plans last minute simply because I didn't feel like going any more. I don't mind it being done to me; knowing me, chances are I'll be relieved. But the ones who have a special place in hell reserved are the people who back out of plans, but only inform me when I ask. On the day of. So it's pretty much safe to assume had I not asked, this girl would've been twiddling her thumbs waiting on someone she probably didn't want to hang out with to begin with.

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• The Starer. Do I have food on my face? Is my hair on fire? A spider doing a weird dance on my head, perhaps? Is my nose distracting (thanks, dad)? What are you looking at?!?
• The Snoop. These are usually friends, so I suppose it would be rude to smack their faces. You do not go through my things. EVER. Even my mother's never done that (that I know of). Then there's the ones who blatantly stare at your screen with you as you unlock it, as if reading my messages is a team effort. 

• The "OCD Sufferer". Lower your pitchforks, I acknowledge OCD as a legitimate disorder. What I find mildly irritating is someone doing something mundane that's likely out of preference than anything else, then claiming they're "very OCD about that". It's such a lazy use of language (something my generation has down to a science). Meticulous, particular, anal-retentive, if you will. All words at your disposal. Sure, you can argue that it's a form of hyperbole, and it's not used literally, except y'all already butchered the word literally so much that the word has lost all meaning, so there's that.
• The British English Nonbeliever. I'm well aware I'm in America. You are well aware I have an accent. This need to "correct" my use of British English is beyond me. I said what I said, you understood what I meant, communication occurred. Let it go.
• The Incurrer (not a word, FYI) of the Grammar Nazi Wrath. I will say it, and I'm not even sorry; then and than, there and their and they're...see, this is where this accent of mine that amuses you so comes in handy, ye-who-are-so-ambiguous-about-pronunciation-you-can't-tell-words-apart. My favourite (I said it, favoUrite!!!) is 'would of'. This, I kid you not, is what people take to mean 'would've'. Some things you just need to reason out with yourself. Back when I was still frequent Facebook browser, I came across a post with something along the lines of 'irregardless' not being a word. A grown man actually left a comment saying, 'soon you'll be saying ain't is not acceptable. English is evolving'. I was tempted to quit the internet that day.

• Lastly, and possibly one of the worst ones, The Aimless Walker. I call them this not because they in fact have no destination in mind, but because with their lack of urgency and complete oblivion of their surroundings, they may as well be. It's a campus, and not a very big one. Corridors are narrow. Every 4 or 5 times a day you'll encounter some deranged soul who was apparently smart enough to get into college, but not enough to know not to stroll down the middle of the bloody hallway. Sometimes, they're not even walking down the middle; they are quite literally meandering down the hallway. At which point I'm thinking, they have to know I'm behind them, and they're just trying to mess with me. Nope. Just on their phone. Never has the urge to shove someone through a wall been so strong. 

I do believe I've earned applause for surviving this long without cussing someone out in Swahili. I'll admit I'm a fairly easy person to annoy, I just won't mention it. This is why you get to hear about it :). Apparently if you get annoyed by sounds people make, you're some kind of creative genius. Sure. Let's go with that. Well, there you have it, some of the things people do that make me want to scream into a pillow.

Great, now thanks to my Miranda-themed gifs, I'm in the mood to watch it. 

What have I done.